When positivity becomes too much: understanding “glazing”

Did you know “glazing” is not just something you do to doughnuts?

Yes, this is another lesson in youthful slang from my seventh grader. I started hearing about how someone is “glazing” someone else by constantly hanging around them and talking them up, or how “the boys keep saying I’m ‘glazing’ So-and-So just because I hang out with her all the time and try to be nice.”

To be completely transparent here, I was all set to write something about how negative we’ve gotten as a society, even our kids, because what she was calling “glazing” just seemed like “being a supportive friend” to me, so how was that a bad thing? But I apparently misinterpreted the definition of “glazing.” It’s not just about the compliments or cheering someone on, it’s when it’s overdone and excessive to the point of being insincere.

This actually prompted a good conversation between us, because as I’ve mentioned before, I’m the eternal cheerleader. I do think there’s too much negativity in the world and I try to counterbalance that in any little way I can. I believe in giving people their flowers while they can still smell them.

I had terrible self-esteem as a kid. I was picked on a lot – I was the “smart one” when that wasn’t cool. I wore my heart on my sleeve. It was easy to make me cry. And I took all the negativity to heart.

I see these traits in my daughter, so I’ve always tried to counterbalance the negative self-talk. Like after a game, when she’s picking apart every mistake she made, I try to point out the positives (That’s also my inner coach coming out – constructive criticism, you know).

“So am I glazing you?” I asked.

“No, that’s just how you are, but… sometimes, kind of,” she replied.

Because apparently, what I think is me trying to keep her from wallowing in the negative thoughts comes off too strongly in the moment. Pointing out the positives is fine, but when it’s right after a game when she’s in the thick of self-analysis, it just doesn’t land.

In other words, the difference between “glazing” and not glazing boils down to timing, amount, and most importantly, sincerity. It’s OK for me to be the eternal cheerleader, I just need to read the room better.

And now I could really go for a doughnut.