How can we talk about school shootings?

I am scared. 

I am horrified. 

I am angry. 

I am frustrated.  

Every school shooting breaks my heart. Some hit closer to home than others because the children are the same age as my own. Last week’s shooting in Nashville hit me harder because it was at a small, private, Christian school, and my children go to a small, private, Catholic school. 

We all think it won’t happen to us. In the case of our school, we parents like to think that our children have a strong first line of defense because of locked doors and the amount of staff between an intruder and our kids. 

We like to think that. But we’re not certain of it. 

The morning after that shooting, the parents started questioning. On Facebook, in our small groups while we waited for our kids at sports, we asked what was “the plan” if anything were to happen. We wondered whether our kids were trained.  

Then someone brought up the point that we shouldn’t be discussing this in detail on Facebook because even though our group was “private,” it was still the internet, and we wouldn’t want too much information to get into the wrong hands. That gave me pause. 

What CAN we talk about? 

How do we discuss school shootings with our kids without scaring them? The subject came up on the car ride home the other day, and I asked my daughters if they knew what to do if a “bad guy” got into school. They have had these discussions in class, but I don’t think they grasp the magnitude of the danger. It made me sick to my stomach, but I had to tell them that if a situation ever arose in their school, they had to follow their teachers’ directions exactly, stay with their classes and not run off looking for each other.  

But outside of our homes, some people don’t want to have these conversations. If we talk about fearing for our children, we are told to be quiet so we don’t scare the kids. Or the discussion is viewed as a badge of one’s political beliefs and quickly veers off on uncomfortable tangents. 

Even conversations about finding a solution are difficult, because everyone has different ideas and people are reluctant to consider views other than their own. Maybe the answer lies somewhere in the middle, or in a combination of solutions. But we don’t seem willing to listen long enough to try. 

People tweet and quote the Second Amendment with “SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED” in all caps, the equivalent of yelling. 

Others post memes of bloody hands and point fingers that “this is all *their* fault!” 

It appears to me that, regardless of where we stand, people are so caught up in being “right” or “winning” that it has become an obstacle to coming together to find a constructive solution to a problem that affects all of us.  

Yes, I’m angry that this keeps happening. I’m angry that I fear so much for my children’s safety. I’m angry that we as a society are not addressing this problem. 

But I also recognize anger only makes the situation worse. We can’t let our anger fuel the dehumanization of those who disagree with us. It’s only by recognizing and embracing the humanity of all that we can find a solution. 

Laws can be repealed. Constitutional amendments can be repealed (remember Prohibition?). If we impose regulations and they don’t work, we can take another approach. 

We need to talk about this. But we also need to listen.