Sober October: Reflections on my fifth year and what it means to be a sober mom

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I never thought I’d be here, celebrating my fifth Sober October. Five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined my life without alcohol. I was part of the “wine mom” culture—living in a world where “mommy needs her wine” was practically a badge of honor. 

Did I have an obvious problem? Not according to society’s standards. I hadn’t lost my kids, I had a good job, I didn’t need a drink first thing in the morning, no DUIs or arrests, and I showed up to my kids’ functions sober. 

But underneath it all, there was always this lingering thought: I need a drink.

The Daily Ritual

Good day? I need a drink to celebrate!
Bad day? I need a drink to unwind.
Weekend? Everyone drinks on the weekend!
Networking event? Better have a drink to loosen up.

The truth was, I was a daily drinker. My kids saw me pull another bottle or can out of the fridge every day. They heard the clinking of the recycling as they took out the trash. They even grabbed me drinks on command. I hosted gatherings where alcohol flowed freely, and it seemed normal because we were all “like-minded people who drank while the kids played.”

I didn’t realize the impact this was having on my children. I didn’t see how my lack of presence hurt them, how my “loopy” state after a hard day affected their sense of security. And I didn’t see how my reliance on alcohol to navigate life would influence how they, too, might respond to challenges in the future. Despite thinking my kids were the center of my world, every time I put a drink to my lips, my focus shifted inward, revolving around me and how I felt.

The Turning Point

My last day drinking wasn’t some dramatic event. There was no police intervention, no CPS call, no big scandal. It was just me, sitting at my desk, working on my fifth drink of the day and not even feeling it. I felt sad, hopeless, and profoundly lonely. I realized I didn’t want to live like this anymore. I wanted to be a better mom, a respectable person, someone not hiding her drinking habits or worrying about whether an event would have enough alcohol.

Admitting my struggles was daunting. I didn’t think my kids would ever forgive me or that our relationships could heal. And to be honest, we’re still mending those bonds today. My ongoing amends to them is simple: I stay sober. No matter what. I can’t expect to have a quality relationship with them if I’m “three sheets to the wind.”

Regret and Gratitude

Do I regret my drinking days? Yes and no. I regret the distance it created between me and my children. I regret the times I wasn’t fully present for them. But I’m also grateful for what that experience taught me. Sobriety isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. One step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.

Today, I have an invaluable community that supports me, the ability to feel all my emotions, and the hope that things can change. My relationships with my kids aren’t perfect, but they’re healing. I’m learning to be patient with myself and with them, to take the time needed to rebuild trust and connection.

A New Kind of Celebration

Sober October is more than just a month without alcohol for me. It’s a celebration of the life I’ve built over these last five years—a life where I’m present, where I show up for myself and my kids, where I don’t need a drink to get through the day. I continue to attend 12-step meetings, journal, and strive to be a better person today than I was yesterday.

I can’t tell anyone if they have a problem with alcohol or not. But I know for me, something had to change—and it did. Today, I’m more grateful than ever for the clarity, connection, and hope that sobriety has given me, even in the tougher moments. Being a sober mom is more than I ever dreamed it could be.

Cheers to the Future

To anyone out there who’s sober curious, or who’s wondering if there’s a different way to live—I see you. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Here’s to my fifth Sober October, and here’s to whatever comes next. One step, one day, one moment at a time.

Have you ever considered a sober October or questioned your relationship with alcohol? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Let’s support each other on this journey, no matter where we are.