The other Mother’s Day gift guide

My husband innocently asked me last week what I wanted for Mother’s Day. 

Me: Tranquilizers. 

Husband: For you or for others? 

Me: Either.  

All jokes aside, why is it that whenever anyone asks me what I want for my birthday/Christmas/Mother’s Day, I can never think of anything? Or more to the point, anything realistic? 

I mean, if we’re dreaming here, my Mother’s Day wish list would be: 

Sleep. I’m talking a night to myself in a hotel room with a late checkout and no one knocking on my door, so I can curl up in bed all morning and not be woken up at 7:15 a.m. on the ONE DAY no one has to be up early just for a little voice to ask if it’s okay to watch TV. 

Mary Poppins’ powers. Snap my fingers and every item in the house magically gets put away? Yes please. 

Short of that, a personal assistant. Another mom told me the other day, “I don’t know how you do it all,” as we stood on the sidelines of my oldest daughter’s soccer practice as my youngest was simultaneously at flag football practice (at least they’re only five minutes apart), and oh did I mention I’d be taking the oldest straight from soccer to gymnastics class because everything my kids do got scheduled on the same two nights? This mom, mind you, has three kids and a full-time job. I don’t know how she does it. I may be “doing it all,” but I’m not doing it particularly well. That’s where the personal assistant would come in handy. Yes, I already have help getting the kids everywhere. It’s the planning part that stresses me out. Actually, it’s when the plans fall apart that stresses me out, but I can’t control the weather or who gets sick when or… OK, maybe it’s not a personal assistant I need, just unlimited cosmic powers. 

Or a personal masseuse. My husband, God bless him, did get me a gift card to the local spa a few years ago and the massage was heavenly. But seeing as I constantly have to remind myself to un-hunch my shoulders, I’m thinking massages need to be a regular thing. Maybe daily. 

A haircut. This one may seem easy, but I need the time and energy after scheduling every other activity and appointment to schedule said haircut and actually go get it. It’s starting to take some wrestling skills to get this mop in order every day. I’ll take the personal hairdresser, if you’re offering. 

 A winning lottery ticket. That should cover anything I forgot. 

But if we’re talking realistically… well, there are a few books on my Amazon wish list, I guess. 

What do you want for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? I could use some gift ideas for my husband.