Hurry! Only 17 more shopping days!
My birthday is March 17. St. Patrick's Day, Schmatrick's Day. It's wearing cat fur, not just green, that really guarantees the luck. So I'll make sure Mom and Dad have plenty on my special day.
What should you wrap for me? Oh! How thoughtful of you to ask. I'm a very blessed cat, so I don't need much. Mom told me she ordered a new scratching post because my enviously strong muscles and piercing claws have torn the sisal rope off both pillars of my bedroom scratcher. I also have servan … er … parents who pet me and twist themselves into the most comfortable positions so I have toasty coves in which to snuggle. I have window sills where I can watch squirrels and birds without risking my life in the terrifying Outside.
And I have a clear cylinder filled with my scrumptious food, and Mom and Dad know how to pry it open (those handy thumbs!) to mete out two scoops. They fill my two water dishes (I have one UPSTAIRS, too, near the humans' fountains.) with fresh water. Mmmm … water! All this dictation is making me thirsty. And also sleepy.
I'm allowed in almost all the rooms in my house. I suppose a good birthday gift would be unlimited access to those areas from which I am forbidden. But that would require you, most likely a stranger, to enter my house, and I am not a fan of strangers. No offense. You could be a vet.
So here's a time-tested gift idea for my upcoming Pixelfest 2013: tissue paper.
Have you ever played with tissue paper? I LOVE IT SO MUCH! TISSUE PAPER IS THE BEST!
Here are 10 awesome things you can do with tissue paper:
1. Dive in it.
2. Walk across it.
3. Sit on it.
4. Take a bath on it.
5. Stretch out long on it.
6. Puncture it with your claws and tear it in half.
7. Tear those pieces in half.
8. Crouch on it and slowly fall asleep.
9. Hide toys under it and then pounce on them.
10. Pose for pictures on it.
There's always a sheet of tissue paper on the floor in my living room. It's such a delightful texture beneath my paw pads and makes the most divine noise.
However, such serendipity doesn't last forever. My beloved tissue disintegrates after a few weeks — sometimes days, depending on how hyper I am and the paper's quality. Thus, your gift of tissue paper will continue to give to me until I shred it with my knife-like claws.
If something catnip-fused happens to be enclosed in the tissue paper when you mail it, I won't complain.
If you have other ideas for gifts, post them in the comments below, and I'll let you know if your suggestion is acceptable.
Don't forget to follow Pixel on Twitter at @CentralPaPixel!