Parenting with another person can be hard. If you’ve read my past articles, you know that I will sing my partner’s praises loudly and happily every single day of the week. Still, I find that raising a human with another human is absolutely frustrating from time-to-time.
When to ween, what to eat, how to handle big transitions, and what to do about the small stuff that pops up? We don’t always agree. Is it so wrong to just want my husband to say, “You’re right, babe. We’ll do it your way,” all the time?
We are very lucky that we don’t argue constantly when we disagree, and we do our best to learn from our mistakes – parenting and otherwise. But occasionally, we talk nonstop about our disagreements, so much so that I just want to have a drink and take a nap.
Disagreement #1: When to Ween the Kid
I’m still nursing. My kid is 2.3 years old. This is super normal – if I wasn’t in America. I don’t know why, but our country has a big hang up about “when you should stop nursing,” and it’s definitely much earlier than the rest of the world. Now, I can have the nursing debate another time (and probably will), but this is about my inability to come to consensus with my husband on when I should stop.
This conversation started when she was about one-and-a-half because, honestly, overnight nursing is a huge sleep disruptor if you didn’t know. My migraines were increasing, my exhaustion was increasing, and my always calm and cool nature was starting to disappear. Kevin wanted me to stop. I didn’t want to. I don’t know why, but I was determined to make it to two full years.
I wouldn’t budge on this issue, so we struck another compromise – though it took us months to get there. Kevin became the AM parent, and I became the PM workhorse. Kevin wakes up with her every day so that I can get 2-3 hours of untouched, uninterrupted sleep in the morning. After she goes to bed at night, I work for another 2-4 hours so I can make up the morning work hours that I missed.
Neither of us are 100% satisfied in this arrangement, but it is honestly the best plan that works while I’m still nursing and getting D+ sleep every night.
Disagreement #2: Food
I think this is one that I have probably caved on just by being passive. Kevin is the stay-at-home, full-time, super dedicated parent here. Because of this, he gets his way on Coraline decisions the majority of the time. For example, Coraline was on a big kid swing before two, and when he pushes her, it’s almost 90 degrees. Still gives me a minor heart attack, but because he’s with her every day, he knows her capabilities better that I do in the physical realm. I just bite my nails and let it go.
Food, however, I am not thrilled about. I am going to preface this by saying that Kevin cooks 99% of the meals we eat in our home, and they are super healthful (and delicious!). I am luuuucky we eat so well. Honestly, I think I am probably being unfair and ridiculous by demanding perfection when it comes to sugar. I don’t want her to eat it. I don’t want you to eat it! I don’t want anyone to eat it! In my non-professional, non-medical opinion, I truly believe that sugar is the enemy of health.
That being said, Coraline has been on the sugar wagon since right before her second birthday. How can you say no to her sweet little face when all her cousins are enjoying an ice cream cone? As much as I want to be that parent that says, “Sorry, kid, here’s a honey oat bar instead,” I just can’t do it. It’s not all the time, thankfully. It’s just a treat every now and again.
Disagreement #3: How Soon is Too Soon?
Coraline is climbing rock walls already. Tall ones. Over 10 feet in height. She’s being introduced to hot sauce and all sorts of things I’m being a stereotypical cautious parent on. Kevin is a full-speed-ahead-with-development kind of dad. I think everything is “too soon.”
I don’t know where this cautiousness comes from. I take so many risks in my personal and professional life, but as a parent, I’m more reserved. I’m not worried about her, necessarily, just a little more timid in new developments.
All this being said, Kevin is her primary care parent. Because he leads the charge, I truly believe that she’s way ahead on some things because he is the one responsible for her. And thank goodness for that. We all know my record with meal time.
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